1. |
pink dreams
02:43
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whats your sign?
aquarius? thats so… cool.
i dont really like them, but i like you.
and hey, do you watch the news?
cause theres a big storm and
its coming in tuesday and
i was wondering if hey
youd want to come over and listen to the rain?
and thats when i woke up
ive dreamt about you like twenty times this month
and i was wondering if you dream about me too cause
thatd be so fucking cool.
but youre an air sign, an earth moon
humble an aloof.
we’re on a boat and
everythings outlined in white and
i can see you on the horizon.
everythings in slow motions.
you come toward me
time moves slowly
we’re both leaning in and
ah! i think we’re gonna kiss??
and thats when i woke up
ive dreamt about you like every night this month.
and i was wondering if you dream about me too cause
thatd bee so fucking cool
but who am i kidding? im an air sign, fire moon
chatty and hot headed too
i can never be cool enough for you (it doesnt say this but its supposed to. i messed up.)
i realized
with salty tears in my eyes that
im overboard for you
ill float away
nothing more to say than
you would never do this for me too
and thats when i woke up.
ive stopped dreaming about you this month
you dont think of me the way i think of you
i guess, i guess thats cool too
and i think i dreamt too much of you
and im sure two air signs cant be good news.
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2. |
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at the bus stop
its seven a.m.
and my eyes are closing
and i'm falling again
for you
like a drop of rain
on its way to the pavement
inevitable pain
and you'll always be
the kind of my world
you're my cumulus girl
i'm gonna hurl
cuz while you're hydrogen
i'm just a star
i will love you
no matter how far
i want you to know that
trees need soil
less than i need you
please don't go
my stomach spoils
when will i see you again?
the keys are stars but you're
galaxies away
and you're feeling farther and farther
every day
my bodies in the the earth
my heads in space
and every space bar feels
like another day
but you'll always be
the kind of my world
you're my cumulus girl
i'm gonna hurl
cuz while you're hydrogen
i'm just a stupid star
i will love you
near or far
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3. |
gemini
01:24
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i feel so alone tonight.
all my life i've never really felt like i belong.
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4. |
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i was born in the middle of the sea
way out where no one could see me
i swam so far you wouldn't believe
and maybe its all the saline
but i woke up on the bright shore
i told you i was the victim of a murder
you stared at me from your doorway
i guess that we dont talk about it
fifty scars, fifty bright read lines
on the table in front of me, fifty stars in the sky
i look up, i see a vast blank high and
i look down, i feel your ghost between my thighs
i hear myself echo behind my eyes
my shoulders freeze, i hear my cries
the crash like waves on the rocks
they're bubbling and loud but i dont want to talk about it
as though i could fight
away the monsters that night
don't tell me like i don't already know
i should've been stronger, i can't let it go
water-logged from the start, salt for a heart
the current took me under, tore me apart
my flesh became one with my genesis
returning to the place of my salty origin
as though i could fight
away the sea that dreadful night
don't tell me like i don't already know
i should've been stronger i cant let it go
i was born in the middle of the sea
way out where no one could see me
i swam so hard you wouldn't believe
why did no one believe me?
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5. |
i ♥ me
02:18
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i have a ton of thoughts.
last night instead of sleeping, i unsuccesfully held back a barrage of tears while lying next to noah and thoughts flooded my mind of how ugly i am and how wrong i am and why am i like this? how could i ever know if im really nonbinary?? trans enough?? too trans?? and i will never look like a cis person, my body will fit into the public flow of humans, almost good or perfect or beautiful but always slightly off. and that to me was really vile and rotten and turned my stomach like milk. why cant i be normal and good and perfect and beautiful?? my body will never be reflected on a screen as anything but an oddity. my body will never be reflected in a mirror as anything but an oddity. my body will never be reflected in a lovers eyes as anything more than vile.
and that bums me out.
so i snuck off to the restroom and i stared myslef in my own eyes and i lifted off noahs tie dye shirt and touched my stomach and my shoulders and my chest and forced the words through my lips
"my body is good and perfect and beautiful because i am good an perfect and beautiful. i will never be anything less."
and i layed down on the couch and cried until i fell asleep.
gender is really confusing to me, like shoe shopping was when i was little. i had no grasp on what size i could squeeze my toes into while everyone seemed to handle it wih ease and i would just sit on the ground while i attempted to grind my feet into several pairs of ill fitting shoes until i would give up and lie and say i liked a pair. but even if they were uncomfortable, they could still have stickers and lights and that was exciting and cool! so it wouldnt bother me how uncomfortable the shoes physically felt, the lights made me feel like a twinkling night sky so it was fine.
now i shove my body into things like dresses or shear my hair for the weather. and i know this is a size four and thats a size six and im a ball of gas that doesnt have an earthly size and everything feels like shoving, shoving and i feel trapped but at least there are sharks on my socks like the endless and temperamental seas inside my chest and the cardboard leaves in my hair echo the forest stretching through my arms and my need for others and that need being okay.
i feel physically trapped when i am called sir on the bus but the stars in my eyes go on as far as the universe and i know i cant be contained.
and my body is a good and perfect and beautiful container for my soul.
i love it because i love me.
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6. |
tarot cards
02:51
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blood in my mouth and
blood on my paws
i don't like what
i've become
blood fill the room in waves
blood floods my lungs
i'm sorry for what i said
blood on my tongue
i can't stand
i can't stand you
i don't understand
i don't understand you
if you're the sun then
i'm the moon
i hope to god i can
see you soon
too far from you
i can't stand
i can't stand you
i don't understand
i don't understand you
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7. |
lets be cowboys!
02:23
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baby, you bought me this ukulele right after you stole my heart
and if i were to tell you we should part would you
tell me 'babe ive loved you from the start'?
cause baby you bought me this ukulele right after you stole my heart
when i first saw your tender amber eyes
they took me by surprise
i was caught in your ten foot gaze
ive never felt more mesmerized
youve caught me in the sound of your voice
words selected with the finest of choice
whisper your last thoughts as i fall asleep in your arms
dont let me go
i could never let you go
if i were to spell out how much i love you
i wouldnt know what letters to use
if love is just a mans game, a chemical ruse
why cant i stop thinking of you?
cause baby you bought me this ukulele right after you stole my heart
and if you were to tell me we should part
i would tell you 'babe, ive loved you from the start'
cause baby you bought me this ukulele right after you stole my heart!
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8. |
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i have people who know me
and people who love me
and i dont know why
i cant love myself
i know the birds
and i know the trees all by name
i dont know why
i dont seem to know myself
and as the night rolls in
i know ill always see
the sun set in the west and rise in the east
and as the days grow thin
i dont feel so lonely
i know that the world can be sad with me
im planting a garden in my window
st. johns wort and lemon balm
maybe then ill feel happy
feel a little more calm
im sneaking out of my window
stealing roses from my neighbors lawn
i know that i dont want to go home
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bikewheel. Sacramento, California
bikewheel. is a musical project by Miles Morrissey with folk punk roots meant to document life and emotion through music.
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